You are not alone

As I said in my previous post, I remembering feeling so alone. I felt like no one had ever felt this way before and there was no one I could talk to because they couldn't possibly understand how I was feeling.  I want you to know you are not alone!!!! So here are some of the things I thought and felt during those dark times....

• I felt like I was a freak of nature. There was no way I was designed to be like this. 
• I felt guilty. I have been incredibly blessed, there was absolutely no reason why I should be sad or depressed. I was even told this several times. "Why are you depressed? Everything in your life is perfect!"
• I had a pastor tell me that the Bible never mentions "mental illness" therefore, there is no such thing. This one really effected me! I thought this just confirmed, I was a selfish, lazy, brat and I just needed to suck it up and choose to be happy. 
• I had a friend tell me to give it to God and pray about it. I did and still do. I truly believe in the power of prayer and that God can cure anyone from anything. However, would you tell someone with diabetes to not take insulin and just pray instead? I think it is a combination. I pray and take my meds. When someone is that depressed they feel like God can't hear them, like even God can't love them. Their thinking isn't always logical. I know I needed something to help stabilize the chemicals in my brain first, then I could pray. 
• I had a boyfriend tell me that his mom always handled her emotions and PMS without anyone in the family knowing and he expected me to do the same. This made me feel weak and again like a freak of nature! "Great, other women may have these emotions but they can control them, why can't I?
• I was worried about passing my "defect" on to children some day because I felt helpless. I didn't even know where to begin to ask for help or if anyone could help me. 

What got me through all of this??? My precious mother. She has a knack for knowing when I need a kick in the pants, when I need prayer and when I needed to seek psychological help. If you know someone living with depression PLEASE don't say these things to them, encourage them to get help. If you are living with depression, remember you can get through this. Talk to someone! If you don't know where to start try getting recommendations from your insurance company, church, NAMI, or MHA. Just don't let it go untreated!